A main theme that I found interesting in Moller’s Dancing With Broken Bones was the idea of presence. After reading about the stories of the individuals that Moller encountered, including their diagnoses, emotions, and surrounding circumstances, it seems that the one message they all conveyed was that of the importance of relationships. Encountering death changed each person on a deep level, and the emotions that came with it were more healthily dealt with when facing challenges and experiences with others. Surely, Moller was doing these people a service more than simply recording and sharing their stories; he presented himself to them as an open-minded and friendly person with whom they could share any of their thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and words of insight. For many patients, these relationships and times of bonding were more important than being cured from a disease.
I like how this idea of presence relates to my service. My group that goes to Missionaries of Charity House stresses the idea of presence and simply being there with and for others. In reflection, many of us convey that we often feel useless and in the way more than helpers, but sometimes this is the point. When people are hurting in ways we cannot understand, sometimes all they want is someone to share their suffering with, someone who cares enough to take a share of the burden. It is easy to resent people who come in to try and change an apparent wrong in the way that they see fit when these people don’t really know who the people are that suffer from these wrongs. Taking time to simply be with others, rather than Moller didn’t start this project to be a beacon of hope to the dying poor he encountered; he simply wanted to convey the stories of others, and he probably learned that the relationships he formed with people he came to knew were truly the greatest importance of this project.
I’ve heard countless stories of frayed relationships in families and between close friends, and while it is sad to see, I think that only those who are dying can really realize the trivialness of past resentment. By sharing their stories with me, I’ve been able to catch a greater glimpse of how fortunate I am to have relationships in my life.
The activities of life make it pass so quickly, and taking time to form relationships is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned thus far at SLU. I’ve learned its okay sometimes to waste the night talking instead of studying, which is something I didn’t often do in high school. While I’m definitely here for a degree and a quality education, I’ve come to learn that I’m also here for life experiences, and they are worth nothing if I don’t have a community of friends I can share them with.
Relationships are what get us through trying times. It’s easy to close ourselves off to relationships with certain people, but no one deserves that. The need for relationships, just like dying, is an equalizer and something that all humans share, despite social status, gender, or background. I hope that when I’m dying, I can look back on my life and be proud of the relationships I worked to form, and this will prevent me from having regrets.
Moller didn’t start this project to change and help people on a small scale. His goal was education for the greater community. In some way, though, he learned a lot about life and the value that others have in ours. This is a lesson I took away as well, and I hope it is one I will continue to develop and discover for the rest of my life.
David Wendell Moller’s Dancing With Broken Bones.
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